My 20th Birthday

I smack my lips softly as I blink a few times before rubbing my eyes. A small moan escapes me as I stretch from side to side in my bed. My eyes trail off to my computer.

I see your messages. You tell me to go downstairs when I have a chance to. I cover my mouth in disbelief, “no way…you didn’t. no don’t tell me you got me something…” Tears start to build up in the corner of my eyes. I run downstairs to grab the package. I open it, and there it is: the pusheen that I wanted.

I start to cry. No one has ever done this for me. I hug the pusheen and cuddle it, hoping that maybe you’ll feel just how happy I am and how much I will treasure it. I laugh to myself before telling you that I’m going to name it JoJo. Short for your name of course.

I knew in that moment that I will remember this moment forever.


Two days ago, I had one of the best day of my life.

The night before, the 18th, was really hard. Every year my birthday reminds me of all the hardships I had gone through and the hardships that have yet to come. It has never been easy for me to imagine a life where pain and suffering isn’t a daily occurrence. I feel as if all my life I have been running away, and for the first time in my life I stopped to look back.

And what I saw was a life full of pain and suffering, but it was also a life full of happiness and little moments. And I don’t think I would have ever realize just how much more is in store for me without having my friends there for me.

Although life has been really hard for me, I’m starting to see all the good things that may happen. All the things I still want to experience before I die. And I would be lying if I said that I can’t help but smile every time I see JoJo. He just puts a smile on my face so effortlessly. Maybe it’s just the fact that he’s so freaking cute or maybe it’s the fact that the person who send it to me means so much to me.


I don’t even know where to begin.

He just a very special person in my heart.

Sometimes it’s a bit scary because I don’t like feeling so close to someone or having someone so close to my heart. I guess I’m afraid that I’m just going to lose them or going to mess things up to the point that we will never talk. Sometimes those insecurities get the best of me and I can’t help but just distance myself.

I know there are times where I cry because I’m so scared that all those things may actually come true. And sometimes it’s even more scary to be told that it’s not going to happen. It’s scary to be reassured and to trust in that reassurance.

But despite of all my fears, I continue to move forward. And there isn’t a day that I regret not doing so. My 20th birthday may have been my special day, but deep down inside, I feel like this birthday was really our special day because I can’t possibly think of having such a good time without him.

So if you’re reading this right now…

Thank you.

You’re the best ♡

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